All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
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I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Come on in and take your pants off
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