Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
