i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My dad is sitting where you rode me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
