i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
