My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
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I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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