im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
