Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
