I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
