I cannot find my penis.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
