what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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