READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
