Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i think im in europe. pls send help
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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