did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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