so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
