why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
