I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
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My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
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Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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