The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
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Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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