And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
