david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
