She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
