Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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