dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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