Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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