I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
