Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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