Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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