I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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