I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
