it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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