I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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