Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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