Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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