"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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