Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
