I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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