haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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