Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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