Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
