why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
