have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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