and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
do nipples grow back?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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