sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
