he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
