thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
