the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
