My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
