I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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