i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
