My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
