what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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