Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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