I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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