my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
