yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
