There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize