One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
