Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
