I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
