i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
