She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
