Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
