Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
