i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
