If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
