Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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