I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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