I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
