omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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