their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
